Embodying Boundaries: The Practice of Being Fully Yourself With Others

What if boundaries weren’t walls, but edges that define our shape — the necessary outlines that let others truly see us? Where do you end and the world begin? This edge is a sweet place to be met.

In my work (and in my life), I keep returning to this truth:
Boundaries aren’t always about pushing people away (sometimes they should be!)
They are also about making space for real connection.

Without boundaries, we lose clarity.
We start saying yes when we mean no. We over-function. We collapse or explode.
And then? Intimacy becomes impossible — because we’ve disappeared from the room.

Boundaries that are embodied arise from our breath, our belly, our bones (and do not necessarily end with our skin.)

Here’s what that can look like…

💡 Embodied Boundaries vs. Performed Boundaries

Anyone can memorize a script — “That doesn’t work for me.”
But if your voice shakes, your jaw locks, or your gut clenches… the message is mixed.

When you embody a boundary, it’s not just words — it’s felt.
You’re anchored in your own nervous system.
You don’t abandon yourself to preserve the peace.
You stay present — with you and with them.

This takes practice. Especially if you grew up in systems where your boundaries weren’t honored.

But the more you practice, the more you teach your body:
I am allowed to take up space. I am allowed to have needs. I am allowed to be seen.

Surprisingly to some,
Boundaries CREATE intimacy.

They let others know how to love you well.
The embodied no makes your yes trustworthy (and possible).
They filter in the right relationships — the ones that can hold honesty and authentic depth.

Without boundaries, there’s no clarity.
Without clarity, there’s no intimacy — only confusion, resentment, or performative closeness.

🌱 Practicing Embodied Boundaries: Try This

  • Pause before you answer. Get curious about what your body says before your mouth speaks.
  • Notice the “micro no.” A pulling back, a stop, a shallow breath — these are clues.
  • Use sensation-based language. “I feel a tightness in my chest” may be more connecting than “You crossed the line.”
  • Ground in your body. Stand tall. Feel your feet. Let your spine support your truth.

Boundaries aren’t just tools.
They’re relational intelligence, built one moment at a time.

Closing:

You don’t have to be perfect at this.
Boundaries are a living practice — one breath, one choice, one conversation at a time.

And they can bring you closer, not further away.
To others.
To your truth.
To a life that fits.

With you,
Darcy M. Jones, LCSW, SEP

PS – If you’re longing to feel more grounded, more connected, and more you in your relationships… I offer free consults to explore whether working together is a good fit.